We all think we are good judges of character. But as the reporters of Dateline would prove, it’s just not necessarily so.
The person in which you invest your time, affection, loyalty and devotion should be a person you fully trust. Their family – you would fully trust. The people with whom they keep company – you would fully trust.
I learned of a young man who is about to get married to a woman who, from all observations, should have given him enough red flags to never propose. Walking into an already established family when never having one is hard. but then top that off with a mountain of debt, and a family history of murder/suicide…
Walk away, brother, walk away. You do not want to be the highlight of next season’s Keith Morrison narrated, edge-of-your seat episode.
You’ve spoken that you have not found “the one” and there is a hint of bitterness laced in that statement. That you may never, because of your height. Though I am here to say that you will find the one at some point in your life, and now is far too soon.
You are too young to get married. You have yet to live. I mean really live. So I want you to really take an inventory of what you would be able to live with and what is definitely a hard pass. What would motivate you to walk away and never look back.
I’ll give some topics for consideration
Will you want to live the rest of your life with someone who
- Is disliked by everyone you know? (They cannot get along with anyone you care about)
- Is a hoarder
- Is involved in or has/had committed a crime for which they served jail time.
- Has killed a person or believes killing a person is a justifiable way to solve a conflict.
- Talks down to you as if you are incompetent, childish or unable to think for yourself?
- Berates your way of doing things
- Controls with whom you speak/associate to due to insecurity and jealousy
- Cannot take care of themselves due to a psychological or addictive reason.
- Is constantly in debt or behind in their bills.
- Has little to no respect for your belongings
- Is unkind to animals or children.
- Is racist.
- Is fanatical about a belief you cannot accept.
- Maintains the idea of marriage equates to a 1940’s role of man == provider and partner == dependent.
- Uses physical aggression in an argument.
- Cannot or refuses to share in the household duties
- Has a history of cheating on their partner
Of course, there are more picayune reasons to walk away from a relationship; but really, the above should always be deal breakers. Do not let someone manipulate you with some challenge to your resolve/ethics or self esteem.
If someone plays into a weakness of yours to manipulate you to a proposal – like a fear of being alone and delivers an ultimatum such as,
“I expect a proposal by <insert timeframe here> or we are through!”
Your response had better be, “Thank you for the notice, we are indeed through.”
Additionally, just because your friends are marrying all around you and starting their families, this is not a competition or a race. Your life’s path is yours and there is no falling behind or getting ahead. Do not let others’ expectations dictate when you should find a life partner. You may end up settling with someone who is simply not the person you are best suited experience the rest of your life.
Be choosy. You deserve the best.