When you announced that you were intending on visiting a friend on Christmas Day after presents but back before dinner I was gobsmacked.

I hadn’t any words as you justified your decision. I heard your rationale that you’d be doing nothing during that time at home and wouldn’t be interacting with us anyway; and it was like a punch in the chest.

Christmas Day is for family. I couldn’t fathom ever ditching my family as dysfunctional as they were, to be a fixture in someone else’s family gathering.

Even if it was a boyfriend/girlfriend I wanted to visit. I just knew that the day was sacred. Easter, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Years Day, Thanksgiving, Birthdays– all of these would never be spent anywhere but home.

I could have said anything in that moment to you but I simply could not find the words until hours later.

Those words were these:

I cannot offer you a day in which you will be entertained all throughout as perhaps your friend can, because I will be preparing our dinner. What time I could offer would be to enjoy a holiday film together like we used to, or play a game as we did when you were younger. If you feel that our company is least desirable over the company of your friends, it is your choice. I am beyond sad but I know that you’re growing up and you’re going to have to make choices that I have no right to influence. You do what you feel is best.

In my silence, I can only guess you had time to think it over and when you texted that you intended to stay home; I still knew no good way to respond.

I was simply glad you’d be home because I haven’t been feeling all that well and I need every moment with you that I can get. Even if it was just one day.

I had hoped you’d spend some time helping in the meal prep or simply watching a bit of the film with us, but you have choices. It’s got to come from within.

I simply want to say “Thank You” for staying home today. I appreciate the gesture more than you may ever know.