I think it was my mom who said, “Do you know what people find most attractive? Self confidence.”

It might have been my grandmother who said it. It has been so long ago. But at the time, I was a gawky, albeit chubby, bookish nerd with self-esteem issues surrounding my height, lack of beauty, and physical maturity; so what was said was like the muted trumpets in a Peanuts cartoon.

When I hear you go on about how women will not find you attractive because you are not the “ideal” height, I think back on that statement said so many decades ago and hold my tongue. Because I know if I deliver that same line, you are going to brush it off as I did when it was delivered to me.

Though in my years of experience, it is true. Those exuding confidence, really, are the ones toward which other flock.

One has to be truly happy in their own skin before accepting the affections of another. (Like a happily put “take me or leave me, I can manage on my own” mentality.) If you are not there and are still fixated on comparisons with others who have qualities you feel you lack, do not expect to embark on a successful relationship.

Your superficial hangups will get in the way.

But please do not confuse confidence with arrogance. No one likes an arrogant cunt. You can be confident in yourself as in: how you look, your sense of style, personal values, etc., but the moment you begin to feel superiority over others, that’s when it turns into arrogance. And it is a put off.

I saw a meme this weekend that stated in so many words “Whether you know it or not, someone out there secretly finds you attractive.”

Another truth. It could be someone you work with who cannot muster the courage to let it be known. Or maybe someone at school who are letting you know in such subtle ways that you are oblivious to it.

Sure, on the surface, that meme sentiment seems stalky and creepy; but understand, people do have secret crushes that either they keep secret due to pride, insecurity or straight out fear of rejection.

A friend of mine told me that back in college there were a number of young men in my life who held a torch for me and I was not aware. My reaction was exasperation. I wanted to find romance and a good relationship but none of them said a word. Though I reckon if they had I might never have met your father and you wouldn’t be here.

So there’s that.

Remember this: Miss Right May not be right now.

Keep that always in the back of your mind even when the infatuation is high and finally reciprocated — she still may not be the one.